Into The Underground


Enter into your deepest knowing.

“What poor bargain does every woman make?”  This is the question Clarrisa Pinkola Estes asks on page 395 of Women who run with the Wolves.  Her answer:  “We forfeit our deep knowing life for one that is far more frail … we surrender our wild nature for a promise of something that seems rich but turns out to be hollow instead.”  We may choose to forfeit a creative life for the security of marriage.  Or force ourselves into one sexual preference when in our deepest knowing, we are another.  We may even sacrifice our needs for those of another.  Fill in the blank.  Sooner or later, the psyche will wake up to the poor bargain that has been made and seek to change it.  This can be painful at first.  But will it be any more painful than continuing to live the lie that has become your life?  It has been my experience that there has to be a readiness before a person is willing to risk the known for the unknown. It may take time, years even, before you are ready to respond to what you know must change.  You may fight it and try to carry on as before.  You may even need to reach a tipping point before you are willing to make a significant change.

Accept the Journey
Once you are ready to accept your journey into the underground, all that you have believed to be true about your life becomes unclear.  While this can be a confusing time because you no longer feel rooted in your life, it is part of the process.  By going underground you will discover a new place to plant your roots so they will be nurtured and therefore, grow in a new, and better, environment.  This is part of the Life/Death/Life cycle I wrote about in a post called, Cycle of Love.  While you may feel that you have died and there is no way out, new life will blossom like leaves on the trees in the springtime.

An odd, but true, phenomenon is that once you make a decision, the right people tend to come along to support and guide you on your path.  It will be your job to interpret the significance of what these people, or situations, will mean in your life as you move forward.

While you’re wandering through the underground you may feel lost and start to question your choice to make a change.  You may even want to turn back from your journey.  Do not despair, the unknown will soon become known.  At this point you may believe that you need to throw out everything from you past life.  This is not necessarily so.  Perhaps all that is needed is to weed out the good from the bad, and weave it into your new life.  It is up to you, and no-one else, to determine how you want your life to be.  It may take some practice to listen to your own needs and respond with a trusting heart, but it will be worth it.

Trust yourself

Trust Yourself
Sometimes when a person changes, there may a shift among the people in your life. When you change, others may also change to accommodate the new person you have become.  Or they may fight you.  In fact, they may even try to hold you back because they don’t want you to get ahead of them.  Trust yourself.  Trust the process.  You deserve to be happy.

I don’t pretend to suggest that any of this is easy. Nothing worth having is easy.  You can even say no to the journey underground if that is your wish.  Perhaps you’re not ready.  But once your psyche is awakened to your pain, you have something to work with, and that, at least, is a hopeful sign.

Categories: Memoir, Women's Lives

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